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Japanese Sentence with English Translation

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I can't figure out what the writer is trying to say.
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Vocabulary list

watashi
pronoun
  1. I; me (slightly formal or feminine)
niha
expression, particle
  1. to; for; on; in; at (emphasises word marked by に)
  2. in order to; for
  3. as for; regarding (indicates respect for subject of sentence)
  4. while it is (was) the case that ...; indeed ... (but); certainly ... (but) (as AにはAが...; emphasizes the repeated word, followed by a contrasting statement)
ni
particle
  1. at (place, time); in; on; during
  2. to (direction, state); toward; into
  3. for (purpose)
  4. because of (reason); for; with
  5. by; from
  6. as (i.e. in the role of)
  7. per; in; for; a (e.g. "once a month")
  8. and; in addition to
  9. if; although
ha
particle
  1. topic marker particle (pronounced わ in modern Japanese)
  2. indicates contrast with another option (stated or unstated)
  3. adds emphasis
sono
pre-noun adjectival
  1. that; the (something or someone distant from the speaker, close to the listener; actions of the listener, or ideas expressed or understood by the listener)
  2. part (as in "part two") (preceding a number)
interjection
  1. um ...; er ...; uh ...
sakka
noun
  1. author; writer; novelist; artist
ga
particle
  1. indicates sentence subject (occasionally object)
  2. indicates possessive (esp. in literary expressions)
conjunction
  1. but; however; still; and
  2. regardless of; whether (or not) (after the volitional form of a verb)
iwantosuru

te-form

iwantoshite
expression, suru verb (irregular)
  1. (what) one is trying to say; (what) one wants to say; (what) one is saying; (what) one means
iu

Colloquial Present Indicative Negative Masculine Form

iwan
godan verb
  1. to say; to utter; to declare
  2. to name; to call
  3. to go (e.g. "the alarm went ping"); to make a noise
tosuru

te-form

toshite
expression, suru verb (irregular)
  1. to try to ...; to be about to do ... (after the volitional form of verb)
  2. to decide to ... (after the dictionary form of verb)
  3. to take as; to treat as; to regard as
  4. to use for
  5. to suppose that (such) is the case; to assume
  6. to decide that; to think that
  7. to make into; to change into
  8. to feel (e.g. after sound symbolism or psychological experience word); to look; to feel like
  9. to intend; to have the intention (with を目的)
to
particle, conjunction
  1. if; when
  2. and
particle
  1. with
  2. used for quoting (thoughts, speech, etc.)
noun
  1. promoted pawn
particle
  1. indicates a question (at sentence end)
suru

te-form

shite
suru verb (irregular)
  1. to do; to carry out; to perform
  2. to cause to become; to make (into); to turn (into)
  3. to serve as; to act as; to work as
  4. to wear (clothes, a facial expression, etc.)
  5. to judge as being; to view as being; to think of as; to treat as; to use as (as 〜にする,〜とする)
  6. to decide on; to choose (as 〜にする)
suru verb (irregular), intransitive verb
  1. to be sensed (of a smell, noise, etc.) (as 〜がする)
  2. to be (in a state, condition, etc.)
  3. to be worth; to cost
  4. to pass (of time); to elapse
suru verb (irregular), transitive verb
  1. to place, or raise, person A to a post or status B (as AをBにする)
  2. to transform A to B; to make A into B; to exchange A for B (as AをBにする)
  3. to make use of A for B; to view A as B; to handle A as if it were B (as AをBにする)
  4. to feel A about B (as AをBにする)
suffix, suru verb (irregular)
  1. verbalizing suffix (applies to nouns noted in this dictionary with the part of speech "vs")
auxiliary verb, suru verb (irregular)
  1. creates a humble verb (after a noun prefixed with "o" or "go")
  2. to be just about to; to be just starting to; to try to; to attempt to (as 〜うとする,〜ようとする)
Suffix after the te form of a verb
iru
ichidan verb, auxiliary verb
  1. to be ...-ing; to have been ...-ing (after the -te form of a verb; indicates continuing action or state)
koto
noun
  1. thing; matter
  2. incident; occurrence; event; something serious; trouble; crisis
  3. circumstances; situation; state of affairs
  4. work; business; affair
  5. after an inflectable word, creates a noun phrase indicating something the speaker does not feel close to
noun, used as a suffix
  1. nominalizing suffix
  2. pretending to ...; playing make-believe ...
noun
  1. alias; also known as; otherwise known as; or (as AことB (A = alias, B = real name))
  2. necessity; need (as 〜ことはない)
  3. you should ...; I advise that you ...; it's important to ... (as 〜ことだ)
ga
particle
  1. indicates sentence subject (occasionally object)
  2. indicates possessive (esp. in literary expressions)
conjunction
  1. but; however; still; and
  2. regardless of; whether (or not) (after the volitional form of a verb)
rikai
noun, suru verb
  1. understanding; comprehension; appreciation; sympathy
dekiru

Plain Present Indicative Negative Form

dekinai
ichidan verb, intransitive verb
  1. to be able (in a position) to do; to be up to the task
  2. to be ready; to be completed
  3. to be made; to be built
  4. to be good at; to be permitted (to do)
  5. to become intimate; to take up (with somebody)
  6. to grow; to be raised
  7. to become pregnant

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